Sex Life After You Have Children
For many couples, discussion of the topic is nonexistent at first. But as more couples increasingly delay childbirth out of societal and economic necessity, a sex life remains one of the few advantages to being childless for years, if not decades. Plus, when children finally do come along, parents are often so overwhelmed that they are too tired for sex — despite their best intentions.
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1) Put in time with your spouse on an away day or weekend. If you’re exhausted by parenting duties then limit yourself to just two hours each day before taking a break.
2) After kids, sex will be a little different from what it was with your more-interested spouse — but in a good way. More time will allow you and your spouse to experiment with new activities, such as role-play or fetishes. Try bringing out the bedroom toys of your youth to add a little kinkiness to your bedroom life.
3) The sex is often the first casualty of parenting. A long year of sleep deprivation and stress makes people feel tired, which can affect libido. However if you’re not taking care of yourself then you’re setting a bad example for the children later on down the road…
4) You’ll eventually get over the frustration of a bad day. You’re not some sad, lonely person who has a disability or personality disorder. You are a parent taking care of your children!
5) There’s no reason to be embarrassed by your spouse’s lack of interest in you — unless you’re feeling that way. If it bothers you don’t hide it from each other; discuss it honestly and openly, and work to find ways to make sex more fun for both of you.
6) There are so many other ways to make your family life more fun and rewarding. Try a new hobby, learn a new skill or make time for bonding activities as a family.
7) Don’t let yourself get discouraged if you don’t feel like having sex. As long as you’re not doing things to hurt your kids or create conflict in your marriage, then it’s OK if you take a break from sex for some reason. This time-out will help you to appreciate sex all the more when it happens again.
8) You’ll have a much richer and fulfilling sex life after kids. The kids will eventually grow up and you won’t be chasing them all over the place anymore.
9) Ultimately, if you don’t feel love, then it’s not marriage — it’s cohabitation. After a while, your kids will understand when you explain to them that Mom and Dad can’t live together if we don’t feel about each other the way we used to.
10) By law, after a certain number of years you can legally divorce your spouse if you don’t love each other anymore. If you’re living together just for the sake of the kids or to keep up appearances, then you’ve missed the whole point of marriage. It’s supposed to be about shared love and lifelong commitment.
11) A lot of couples make it work by agreeing not to have sex with any other people during their family raising. Maybe that would work for you also? I don’t think this is a good idea because it’s too hard to keep that promise when your spouse’s no longer interested in having sex with you